Space Junk: How We Should Act (And Quickly)

Most agree that space is fascinating to examine, with many new things waiting to get discovered. To clarify, the “space” here is the vast, never-ending, ever-expanding universe.

Let me introduce you to International Space Day (if you don’t know it). The meaning is easy to guess. Here’s a hint: It’s in the name. Anyway, annually on the first Monday in May since the year 1997, or on May 7th in 2021, science fans and all people alike celebrate Space Day with a dedicated day to observe everything in the great beyond.

It may all sound very happy, a day for everyone to discover and learn. But in truth, it isn’t so many flowers and angels. The space surrounding Earth’s atmosphere’s crowded with debris leftover from broken artificial satellites, old rocket boosters, and other junk coming from various space exploration efforts. Most are underestimating the damage this debris could do. After all, they’re so high up to do any harm at all to life on Earth. Yes, it rarely affects us directly. Boosters crashing into your roof don’t happen every day. But since they’re at about the same levels as our working satellites, it’s bad news for everyone.

Most listen to radio channels, or, if that’s old-school, watch shows on the old telly in the living room. But if you’re not that kind of guy, then you must at least use an electric device, right? Whatever it is, a computer, a tablet, or just the plain old cellphone, every communication, and search is using satellite transmission to get to you.

And if the satellites got damaged by the debris, those transmissions wouldn’t make it to your device. “And that would also make traveling around in space more difficult.” Yes, Mr.Alien, my friend. I’m sure your journeys to our planet haven’t been so easy lately. When did you get here? “A few days ago. I was listening to the Newsminute from my radio onboard the UFO I’m flying, and I decided to get into the talk.” That’s good. We have to get updated sometimes, especially when you’re an interstellar traveler. Anyway, I’m getting to some of the solutions to all this debris, Mr.Alien, and hopefully, when you’re visiting next time, you wouldn’t have such a hard time.

The first solution to all this you may know from Edition 351. In that edition, there was the launching of what we called a “space sweeper.” It’s a spacecraft that uses a magnetic docking plate to latch onto and throw a satellite towards the atmosphere, where it’ll eventually burn up. “This concept could take care of future satellite debris, but there’s still a lot of “old” debris. How could we prevent that?”

And that brings us to the second solution, a bit crazy and not in existence yet. But it may, by the slimmest chance, solve the problem. And that is the “vacuum cleaner.” It cleans the vacuum of space. It works like a usual vacuum cleaner, only that it has rocket boosters too.

It sounds pretty plausible, only that there isn’t so much air in space than in on Earth, which is quite a problem, considering that things would take more effort to suck in. Otherwise, it may work. Of course, there can be other ways to do so, or we could make the plan work somehow, like how many other inventions seemed strange and unworkable at first.

The third one is the cleaning up of future rocket boosters. You don’t need to throw them into the atmosphere at all. Because they’ll land back on Earth and be reusable, and this isn’t another idea out of a science-fiction book. That’s what the CEO of SpaceX Elon Musk does with his Falcon 9 rockets! After stage separation, the boosters use their remaining fuel to land vertically onto the waiting platform down below.

And here’s an added fourth solution, as a backup plan for the space vacuum cleaner, which also hasn’t gotten tested yet. It’s a gigantic version of the space sweeper, and it throws big boosters and large satellites right into the sun. This idea is one of the craziest we’ve come up with since it involves many electric magnets, rocket power, and precision in timing.

“In truth, these all sound quite out-of-the-world to me. Well, on my planet, our solutions are even stranger, so strange that it’ll be better not to share them with you people.” I guess that they involve your UFOs and stuff like that, Mr.Alien. “And your guess is close to the truth, my friend.”

So, readers, what do you think about these solutions to space junk that the Newsminute has designed? Are they going to work? Well, only time and the laws of science will know. But until then, why don’t you come up with some of your ideas? Maybe a giant space cannon that packs up and shoots the junk into even outer space? Even though the flow of space junk is virtually non-stop, the limits of our imaginations are also unstoppable. If you do have ideas, then share them with others, discuss the probabilities. And hopefully, find ways of improving and solving the flaws of it altogether. “And do make sure that you spread those solutions quickly, dear reader, or I might not make it to Earth next time! Of course, I could always bring my Super Blower 9000 to blow hydrogen gas to get the junk out of my way!”

Well, Mr.Alien, my friend, a super blower could help, but there are microscopic pieces out there, too, and we have to get rid of those. They can do the most harm, you know. Getting stuck in the engines or something can cause enormous damage to the system.

And while you’re figuring out solutions to space junk, you could try some solutions to junk on Earth, too. There’s so much in trash dumps that mine has nowhere to go! “Haha, a funny joke you’ve got there.” Yeah, funny, right? And I wish you an undisturbed journey to your alien home. “I’m going to have a holiday first.” Whatever you say, my friend. So, that has been a production of the New News Newsminute. Thank you for reading, and thanks for chatting, Mr.Alien. Bye guys! “Goodbye, see you!”